No One Special

I am no one special. I am normal. I am broken and frustrated. I am not worth as much as the next person. THOSE people don't really know me. They know who I am showing them. THOSE people think I am fine. I. AM. NOT. FINE. I sit, wondering why life is so hard. Feeling sad and alone with a 100 people around me. I have a list in my head of all the things wrong with me. Trying means work, HARD work. Quitting is so much easier. Quitting is what I want to do.
I search for answers. I wonder why its so hard. I question what made me this way and I pray change is possible. Glimmers of hope pass through my life. Moments of inspiration, the IF factor creeps in. IF I started ONE more time.... would it be the last?
I laugh and I cry. I make it through my day with a series of highs and lows, but I make it through the day. Doubt is my best friend. Negativity is my side kick. Perfection, ah.. perfection is my master. Perfection is my nagivator, guiding and leaving me high and dry. I smile, I laugh, but there is no JOY. Just me, no one special wondering WHY. IS. IT. SO. HARD.

You see.... that was my life on sugar. Wonder why I am so vocal about putting sugar in its place? THATS why. Because sugar tells me alllll those things. Sugar controlled my life.
You think.... ITS JUST SUGAR.

But for some people (a large number of our society) ITS NOT JUST SUGAR. It's depression, lack of hope, frustration and self doubt. What it does to us is more than just about calories. What it does to us IS the reason everything is so difficult.

I think most people think I am crazy. I totally understand where they are coming from. I use to sit back and call me crazy too. A person who doesnt eat white table sugar (cookies, cokes, cakes, sugar in the tea and candy bars at the checkout)......that person someone who I could not relate too. Life without sugar WAS NOT LIFE.

I have become one of THOSE people. A fanatic. A fitness freak. Someone "normal" people look at and think "she's strange." ..........

I praise God for getting me out of my sugar nightmare. I lived it all my life. To sit here at 41 years old and feel THIS GOOD. It must be a joke. A dream? Energy abounds and life is AMAZING. The vale of negativity and self doubt is gone and whats left?

SUGAR FREE ME :)

If I can YOU can.