I have dreaded halloween for quite a few years... That Halloween holiday candy seemed to always be the gateway to my season of gluttony. It seemed just as I gathered enough UMPH to throw out the left overs candy.. Or finally sit down and eat the whole bag so it would be gone... There came thanksgiving .... And oh the drama and misery of that holiday... by they time Christmas came around I had just given up... Just turned off the care button. What's it matter anyway.,, I will start over on jan 2... So pass the peppermints, cookies and texas trash and I mean NOW!!!
Of course my life is different now but those feelings and love love love hate for food and what I let it do to me are still there. The holidays make me sad in many ways, because I know there are people who are going thru what I went thru. When your a food addict, when your emotional well being is ruled by how long it takes to get that soda from sonic or how quickly that blue bell can get to your mouth, when your self esteem sucks because of the guilt over hiding the last 10 Oreos so you can eat them so no one knows.... When you live in fear of someone finding out you get reeeeeally angry if someone takes away you ability to eat what ever the hell you want... When the holidays come around its seems to be even worse than a regular day. When you spend the days leading up to the family coming into town trying to loose those extra pounds so you would look as bad as you did last time they saw you... And then suddenly you are surrounded by every excuse in the world to over indulge, the parties, the planning, the "it's not thanksgiving if we don't have THIS or THAT food" ..oh the food drama... the joy that food is spose to bring was erased for someone like me... Of course no one knew I was miserable (but for the extra 70lbs I was carrying) it wasn't until after they left and I was alone that the truth inside my head came out-and the tears.
There are many things that break my heart, but my passion is to try and be that glimmer of hope for those people who are struggling like I use to.
My heart breaks for the unfit and overweight because I understand that life is complicated and that reality is those people are fighting a battle that is bigger than anyone can imagine. The pain, discust, self loathing is potent and there is a degree of survival and self preservation-self perfection that is taking place within. I understand that eating makes it better for a while, I understand that the 30, 40, 50, 100lbs is easier to carry than gathering the courage to face your own demons.
My heart breaks for people who are diabetic or celiac or have high blood pressure etc and make choices to eat that donut, or soda and consciously ignore the obvious. The choice to eat it anyway, breaks my heart. I want to say "Don't your care that your slowly killing yourself? Don't you want to feel fantastic instead of hurting all over?" -but of course that's just as inappropriate for people to give me a hard time because I don't eat gluten. .... But it still breaks my heart. I also understand food ...food... Is more than food, and making choices that change your diet for life isn't easy and it takes time... BUT YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER!
IT makes me sad Because I KNOW that life can be different .... You don't have to be 100lbs over weight and hurt all over. You don't have to live with pain pills and wondering how long you can stand before your feet or back are killing you. .you don have to live with stomach aches and dealing with your stress and emotions with food.... .. I wish I could chose for you, but I can't.
NO ONE can do this but YOU. All I can do is to say I understand more than you know and I believe in you!
So this holiday season I challenge you to give the gift of YOU to the world. I want you to be here longer, I want you to be happier, I want you to feel fantastic .... Because when we feel good about ourselves, when we are confident in who we are, when we are living a life where your not held back by your fear of failure, your fear of pain, and you choose to do the hard things to change.... That my friends CHANGES EVERYTHING-it changes lives.
Of course my life is different now but those feelings and love love love hate for food and what I let it do to me are still there. The holidays make me sad in many ways, because I know there are people who are going thru what I went thru. When your a food addict, when your emotional well being is ruled by how long it takes to get that soda from sonic or how quickly that blue bell can get to your mouth, when your self esteem sucks because of the guilt over hiding the last 10 Oreos so you can eat them so no one knows.... When you live in fear of someone finding out you get reeeeeally angry if someone takes away you ability to eat what ever the hell you want... When the holidays come around its seems to be even worse than a regular day. When you spend the days leading up to the family coming into town trying to loose those extra pounds so you would look as bad as you did last time they saw you... And then suddenly you are surrounded by every excuse in the world to over indulge, the parties, the planning, the "it's not thanksgiving if we don't have THIS or THAT food" ..oh the food drama... the joy that food is spose to bring was erased for someone like me... Of course no one knew I was miserable (but for the extra 70lbs I was carrying) it wasn't until after they left and I was alone that the truth inside my head came out-and the tears.
There are many things that break my heart, but my passion is to try and be that glimmer of hope for those people who are struggling like I use to.
My heart breaks for the unfit and overweight because I understand that life is complicated and that reality is those people are fighting a battle that is bigger than anyone can imagine. The pain, discust, self loathing is potent and there is a degree of survival and self preservation-self perfection that is taking place within. I understand that eating makes it better for a while, I understand that the 30, 40, 50, 100lbs is easier to carry than gathering the courage to face your own demons.
My heart breaks for people who are diabetic or celiac or have high blood pressure etc and make choices to eat that donut, or soda and consciously ignore the obvious. The choice to eat it anyway, breaks my heart. I want to say "Don't your care that your slowly killing yourself? Don't you want to feel fantastic instead of hurting all over?" -but of course that's just as inappropriate for people to give me a hard time because I don't eat gluten. .... But it still breaks my heart. I also understand food ...food... Is more than food, and making choices that change your diet for life isn't easy and it takes time... BUT YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER!
IT makes me sad Because I KNOW that life can be different .... You don't have to be 100lbs over weight and hurt all over. You don't have to live with pain pills and wondering how long you can stand before your feet or back are killing you. .you don have to live with stomach aches and dealing with your stress and emotions with food.... .. I wish I could chose for you, but I can't.
NO ONE can do this but YOU. All I can do is to say I understand more than you know and I believe in you!
So this holiday season I challenge you to give the gift of YOU to the world. I want you to be here longer, I want you to be happier, I want you to feel fantastic .... Because when we feel good about ourselves, when we are confident in who we are, when we are living a life where your not held back by your fear of failure, your fear of pain, and you choose to do the hard things to change.... That my friends CHANGES EVERYTHING-it changes lives.
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