Straight up on my diet...

Deep down inside I wish I could eat like everyone else.
Deep down inside I dream of a hamburger and fries with lots of ketchup and a large coke.
Deep down inside I would love to go to Olive Garden and order breadsticks and Alfredo.

But the sucky part of all this.... I am not like everyone else. Could I choose to eat like everyone else? sure... but what would it get me? ...well.. I would be another figure in the American Dietary Landscape. I would be on medication for stomach aches and taking pills to sleep at night because I am so tired. I would be miserable. 

Reality is I have issues with food. I always have. I loved how Cokes use to make me feel. I loved the highs I would get off of slurpies and candy. I loved the salty and crunchy of chips and crackers.
I loved the stress relief a bag of chips and a coke could bring. I loved the energy it would give me.

But I HATED how I felt afterward. .....yeah. ... that part sucks.

so I sit here today not thinking I have found the answer to everyones food issues.... but just trying to work thru my own. 

I am frustrated ... VERY FRUSTRATED with being a Celiac. I am tired of thinking about it. Tired of looking at labels. Tired of trying to cook my foods gluten free and tired of missing my old "wonderful" foods. I miss the simplicity of getting to eat WHATEVER from WHERE EVER!  I miss not knowing what was wrong with me. I miss thinking my stomach aches in the middle of the night were just Pizza Huts fault and not mine.

I always wondered about people who were Raw Vegans. I always thought they were just crazy or had issues with food. Well, what I have learned is we all have food issues... some are more drastic than others and some of us will do anything to feel better. Reality is my choice to do this is my choice. I do not sit in judgement over anyone but myself. I will not require my children or my husband to live or eat this way. I believe this choice is for me because its what I need physically and mentally to be able to live my life they way I want to live it.

I have a few goals I would like to share with you..

• Loose 10 to 15lbs.  and loose inches from some areas. Right now I way 150lbs. Granted I DO have a lot of muscle. I am not wanting to loose weight for vanity reasons. i dont want to get into a size 1 or anything like that.... I want to loose weight to get rid of pain. I have a heel spur that I have had for 8 months and I am sick and tired of it. Years ago I had all kids of issues with my feet.. I went to all kinds of drs and had all kinds of medications and treatments ...... But not 1 dr told me to loose weight. But you know what when I got down to 130lbs I had NO issues with my feet. NONE. 
• I want a happy stomach. Trying to live gluten free has not been easy. Over the past few months I have gone 2 weeks completely gluten free only to either slip and throw caution to the wind or eat what I THOUGHT was a gluten free meal only to have a reaction. I am tired of the work that is for me. I am tired of making progress and feeling great only to ingest hidden gluten.  I would like 1 whole month of no bloating, no fatigue and no stomach cramps.  wow... come to think of it.... if i go a whole month.. it will be the first time in all my 44 years i have gone that long without digestive issues. 
• I want to fall in love with uncooking. And on the cooking end of things I want to become  our families nutritionist of sorts. I want to enjoy being in my kitchen cooking and uncooking, shopping, thinking and creating foods for my family. 
• I want to have the energy that I have experienced previously on the mostly raw diet. 
• I want to sleep through the night and not wake up hungry in the middle of the night.

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The post above was written by me in early October. I sit here frustrated and so tired of my choices. Reality is that the raw diet is extreme. My choice to try and live 90% raw is my choice and I choose it because I WANT TO FEEL GREAT. I have done this soooo many times over the past 2 years.... 2 weeks here.... a month there... and then back to gluten free.... Please know I do have issues with food! MOST FOODS DO NOT LIKE MY INSIDES. LOL. Being a Celiac means 90% of the food in the grocery store is off limits to me. I wonder.. why do i feel sooo amazing when i eat mostly raw? and if I feel sooooo amazing on raw then why do I ever eat anyway else. .... 

I am not sure how long this will last... I do wish I had more people I knew who #1 were celiacs and #2 were raw vegans. .... but until I find kindred spirits i will forge on alone. 

ps.

dont worry .. i will get enough protein AND I dont have an eating disorder... promise.