40 years of neglect (update)

I sat down at the kitchen table with my 2nd bowl of cherrios (plain) with milk and bannanas and lots of sugar. It was a school morning, so I was dressed in my ready to go to school clothes. I am not sure how it happened but I ended up dumping the entire full bowl of cereal all over me. I was covered head to toe in my favorite meal.
I was so upset! .... not because I had made a huge mess of myself. Not because my mother was mad, or my siblings laughted at me (they didnt).... I was upset because I wasted a perfectly wonderful bowl of cereal.

I cleaned up, got another bowl and finished the rest of my breakfast (usually 4 to 5 bowls of cherrios) and headed off to school. Little did I know.... but as early as 2nd grade, I was an addict and I was only 8 years into my 40 years of neglectful eating.

The highs and lows of my day made school miserable for me. I was great until about 10am..then all i could focus on was the lunch hour. I hate school lunches. I hated the way the caffeteria smelled, the food they made, and the trays. HATED. I brought my lunch 99% of the time. A metal  lunch box which my mom packed for me. I would throw out the sandwich, and fruit and just eat the chips or crackers. By the time I got home from school in the afternoons I was a cranky mess. I would sit down with a large glass of coke and eat a whole row of white saltine crackers. Then... head outside to climb a tree, or play softball or just scream my head off...  LOL.. until i crashed again.

Fast forward to today.
Today I am in the process of adjusting to a new way of eating.
I am going through, yet again... all the other stages I went through with breaking away from icecream, sodas, crackers, cereals, and sugar.
The amazement and realization of not believing how wonderful I feel eating this way. Followed by the negativity of WHY TO I HAVE TO EAT THIS WAY!!!! followed by the Ruthie classic "THIS SUCKS... but.... so does eating the other way."
so I am stuck with two choices.
WE all are really.
Choice #1: Eat whatever i want and feel like crap.
Choice #2: Eat healthy, avoid sugar, most meats, junk food, sodas, candy, ice cream, and now gluten...(which means avoiding one of my favorite things to eat in this world)....Bread......and feel good!

I prayed 3 or 4 years ago for Gods help. I was in desperate need of change. I was miserable. I was so addicted to so many foods. I had tried so many times. I prayed " God, please help me.. do what you have to to help get me healthy....to make me who you want me to be"

one thing I have learned .....be careful what you pray for... you might just get your way! LOL

Its all so very interesting to me. Amazed how much foods I eat effect me. Amazed at how emotionally attached I am to certain foods. But mostly I am amazed to find out how incredible I feel when I eat correctly.

Most of my life I was living in a drug induced trance. My emotions, my thoughts, my actions all influenced by what I was putting in my mouth.

So Here I sit... yet again going through the process of withdrawing from the habits I grew up with. Navigating a different way of eating.  Emotionally I am pitching a bit of a fit. But  mentally and physically and spiritually I am rejoicing. Happy that Food is getting put in its proper place. Happy I am learning a new way of living. Happy my own children are not on the Food Roller coaster most kids in America are on. Happy to know that in just a few short weeks I will no longer miss my favorite breads. Happy to realize my cravings and taste buds will adjust and change just like they always have with other foods I have come down from.

Blessed to know my tummy is healing and is getting a much needed rest from 40 years of neglect.


God is Faithful.... but we have to do a bit of work ourselves don't we? But the best I have is still not enough.....praise GOD for his faithfulness!








UPDATE:
well.. that wasnt a very good run. but a not very good run is better than no run at all right? right.
I honestly think I am not getting enough fuel.. and I am not drinking enough water... the battle continues.......4 miler done. now to go to the movies with the family and not eat myself sick on popcorn and coke LOL :) I will resist!!! I will! WILL!