the struggle

the struggle to find balance has left me in a hole.
i feel unmotivated, drained and sick.

Yes sick

Is my sore throat and lack of energy due to a virus? a change in the seasons (allergies) OR

OR

could it be that my problems all began when i started with the a LITTLE table sugar each day. Over the past 2 weeks and in an effort to figure out my hypoglycemic/blood sugar balance... I have dabbled a bit in sugar. The thought was maybe.. just maybe my low energy levels and sharp ups and downs were because i wasnt taking in enough balance of sugar(s) and carbs and protiens.........

and here i am.... about 9 days into this experiement with a sore throat, negative thoughts, and no energy.

I wonder.... did the sugar lower my immunity so much that I became sick? could it be that my immunity has been comprimised by my struggle to find balance.

I MUST come to the constant, every vigilant realization that the pure white power stuff is like poison to me.

so today

I took a step back.....looking at my choices and making the effort again to eat 6 times a day, BALANCED meals with no table sugar.

Today..... I feel better than I have in 3 days. I hope tomorrow is even better.

As far as my half goes. I have no idea when i will get to run it. I will keep you posted. I need to find a time where I can be gone with no worry of the kids or cooking or cleaning or educating etc etc.....If not Friday.... then ... maybe Sunday.


Sometimes I get sick of this struggle. But I know the alternative is the depression and misery I lived with 4 years ago. The hatred of my body and myself is not what I want. I want an energetic happy person... if that means the struggle is going to continue... then so be it!