I have been doing a bit of thinking the last few days... well.. really since my 18 mile run. Wondering.. why in the world is this whole marathon thing such a big deal. What is it that makes this so important, why does it hold so much emotion, and does it make sense for me to still wonder why I chose to do this?What makes me so different from others?
When people learn i "ran" 18 miles and they say the usual things like "oh I could never do that" or. "uh.. you could have taken a CAR"... .. Why is it that I chose to "tackle" a marathon distance.?? I mean.. I dont HAVE to do this. I could just get cardio in and lift weights and be healthy .... I know I keep saying this but ... "am I soooo different from anyone else?????"
I dont think so. I guess thats why this is all so overwelming at times to me.. cause I never was a "runner"... I forced myself to run for the simple fact that I didnt want to be more over weight than i already was. How does someone like THAT get to be where I am today?
I sit here a person who doesnt feel like its a run unless its over ... OVER 4miles. I sit here a person who ran an hour and 40 mins the other day with NO walking! I sit here a person who desires to go to bed early so i can get up and run before the sun comes up!
I have asked it before and i am still trying to get my head around it... but "what am i turning in to?" .. seriously?? this ISNT ME!
This REALLY feels like an outer body experience and I am looking through someone elses eyes,
I remember reading some where.. that habits take 6 weeks to make... I also remember reading that the Brain (the mental part of fitness) takes longer to "transform" than the body does. So.. I guess that's what's going on with me right now... my body is doing something my brain cannot grasp yet.
My brain screams: I am just a mom, just a normal average mom who is trying hard to be fit and healthy. .and there is NO WAY I can make the marathon distance!
..........this marathon journey is doing WAY more to me than i thought it would... i cant explain it all yet... but i know there will come a day when my brain has an ah-ha moment and it all just falls into place :)
Until that happens.. i will just hang on and enjoy the ride, I will let myself cry when I get the end of my long runs, and feel over whelmed that I actually finish.
I know eventually it will all come together and I will figure out what in the world is happening to me .. inside and out :)
Comments
Thanks for your encouragement the last 12 weeks, it has meant a lot to me to have you looking over my shoulder!
Your left brain gives you the logic...it's impossible, there's no reason for it
Your right brain wins...I want to, can, and will. Watch me.