Well.. I laid down in bed last night and couldnt go to sleep.
Tears started rolling down my face.
I got up and sat in front of the fire and just thought and cried.
It was like 6 months of frustrations came out last night. I find the emotions that come along with getting-staying fit so interesting. There was one other time that I felt this way. That was 2 years or more ago when I first started this blog. I determined then that this journal would be one that was honest and open. And.. here I sit.. the day after a night of tears.. to tell you the story.
Emotions come in all forms. I have been in a grieving mode, I will admit, for the last 3 months as a result of the temporary loss of my fitness and all that it entailed. You see .. for me.. working out, eating right, taking care of myself, makes me into a better person, a more willing participant in this thing called life, the aches and pains that I use to have were gone when I was fit and life was great. I had it in my head, MY PLAN was that after 2 years of determination, after 2 years of "not quitting" and.. after reaching goals such as been 120something lbs again that I would be a different person. ... Dont get me wrong.. I meant what I said.. it does make you different.. but not as much as I thought. You see.. I THOUGHT that once this or that was reached..... that I wouldnt struggle as much.
Well.. then injury sets in, and plans get washed away, I realize that something I cannot control but somethings I CAN.
So last night I grieved, i was mad, I was truly angry. Why does it always have to be so much work? Why cant I just lay around, eat the way I want, and be fit! ... My sweet hubby talked with me and refocused me and made me feel so much better. But I must admit, letting the honest emotions and grieving the loss of who i thought I would be NOW and how i am and how far I have to go was a good thing.
I am refreshed. I am energized and I know that this life is going to just keep on being a life full of ups and downs. I will NEVER have to NOT work at being fit. Its all a matter of what price i am willing to pay.
Do i want to grow old(er) and be 100lbs over weight? Do I want to live the rest of my life, become a grandma that cant around, much less get on the floor and play with her grandchildren? Do I want a life filled with medicine, doctors, and the bills that come with that. Do I want a life filled with stress and worry about the aches and pains and how to fix them?
I am not saying that being fit will solve all my health problems. But I do understand that what I do today, what I put in my body today, whether or not I QUIT caring today... makes a difference in my tomorrow.
so.. I cried. I let go of the past and I am pressing on to the future. I might get injured again. My life might be turned upside down by some other issue... but I refuse to quit. I refuse to let the world get the best of me.
Tears started rolling down my face.
I got up and sat in front of the fire and just thought and cried.
It was like 6 months of frustrations came out last night. I find the emotions that come along with getting-staying fit so interesting. There was one other time that I felt this way. That was 2 years or more ago when I first started this blog. I determined then that this journal would be one that was honest and open. And.. here I sit.. the day after a night of tears.. to tell you the story.
Emotions come in all forms. I have been in a grieving mode, I will admit, for the last 3 months as a result of the temporary loss of my fitness and all that it entailed. You see .. for me.. working out, eating right, taking care of myself, makes me into a better person, a more willing participant in this thing called life, the aches and pains that I use to have were gone when I was fit and life was great. I had it in my head, MY PLAN was that after 2 years of determination, after 2 years of "not quitting" and.. after reaching goals such as been 120something lbs again that I would be a different person. ... Dont get me wrong.. I meant what I said.. it does make you different.. but not as much as I thought. You see.. I THOUGHT that once this or that was reached..... that I wouldnt struggle as much.
Well.. then injury sets in, and plans get washed away, I realize that something I cannot control but somethings I CAN.
So last night I grieved, i was mad, I was truly angry. Why does it always have to be so much work? Why cant I just lay around, eat the way I want, and be fit! ... My sweet hubby talked with me and refocused me and made me feel so much better. But I must admit, letting the honest emotions and grieving the loss of who i thought I would be NOW and how i am and how far I have to go was a good thing.
I am refreshed. I am energized and I know that this life is going to just keep on being a life full of ups and downs. I will NEVER have to NOT work at being fit. Its all a matter of what price i am willing to pay.
Do i want to grow old(er) and be 100lbs over weight? Do I want to live the rest of my life, become a grandma that cant around, much less get on the floor and play with her grandchildren? Do I want a life filled with medicine, doctors, and the bills that come with that. Do I want a life filled with stress and worry about the aches and pains and how to fix them?
I am not saying that being fit will solve all my health problems. But I do understand that what I do today, what I put in my body today, whether or not I QUIT caring today... makes a difference in my tomorrow.
so.. I cried. I let go of the past and I am pressing on to the future. I might get injured again. My life might be turned upside down by some other issue... but I refuse to quit. I refuse to let the world get the best of me.
Psalm 37: 4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this
Comments
Blessings!
suzette