sit down and take a deep breath

ok..
first of all I am seriously considering NOT going to the race.
NOW before you all go crazy on me.. let me explain :)
here are my reasons for not wanting to go:

• I am not ready.
  
• I could finish 13.1 miles for sure .. i have the mental determination to do so.. but I am a bit worried how it would leave my body.
  
• I am JUST now getting to where I have NO pains in my back and I am worried if i push it then i wont be able to run all winter. (which is something that sounds so depressing!)
• I dont want to spend MORE money going to an event that I know I cannot do my best in.
  
• This is NOT the vision I had for my first big race... showing up, walking, worried I would be one of those people they cart off the course. .. not the vision at all.
  
• I am just not ready.

Please dont see this as if I am giving up on running, fitness, or striving to stay fit. Not at all! Infact.. I see this decision as a way to perserve my fitness lifestyle. I dont want to give my body for one race and be sidelined for weeks or months because of it.

There will be other races. No worries.

SOOO
what will i do instead??? Well.. we are still in discussion about that. For sure that weekend I will do a 10k with my girlfriends and then we will see... movies, shopping, a girls weekend or staying here .. dont know yet... but either way we will celebrate our accomplishments and each other.

And now... what I did and what I have planned
Yesterday was a day FULL of cleaning and organizing... (will it ever be done?) .. I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal of having a space for my art :) I also now have an Etsy shop! how fun is that?
Today.. I woke up this morning and took the kids to track.. they ran 200s and 400s i ran 2 laps and walked fast the rest .. 3 miles .. it felt good to be outside in the wind visiting with my sweet friends.
I am determined today to ... YOU GUESSED IT.. clean out the garage. Because you know me by now and when i declutter the house.. all the bags of donated stuff and extra things i just cant part with YET go to the garage.
The garage has our weight lifting things in it... so hopefully at the end of the day i will erased another reason i havent lifted weights.. a messy garage! (sure is a lot of work to workout ! LOL)

OK.. and now for the last part........

Being injured for so long (flat on my back) and unable to do so many things got me to thinking. I realized that this fitness stuff was starting to take over my life.. it was so much a part of who i am and what i wanted to be... laying there for so long and mourning the loss of my fitness it made me realize that I need to get my attitudes in balance. I am not saying fitness is not important in my life!! it IS.. what i am saying is that I MUST find (again) a way to have fitness fit into my life. not my life fitting into fitness. Training for a marathon takes soooo much time. .. those long runs take 2 or 3 hours on the weekends.. time away from my family.. I love it .. but could it be possible to be really fit without that level of running? SURE. I want more time for ME in other areas like my art, and to just sit and relax. I am not just a runner, I am not just an artist, I am not just a Mom, I am NOT just an art teacher, and Homeeducator, I am NOT just a wife .. there has to be balance.

My plan is to work on finding the balance. To be happy with what i can get done in all aspects of my life and to be in THIS moment and time enjoying who i am right now insted of "not being happy until this-in-such happens."..

Stay tuned for my plan .. (i will have a plan :)

Until then...