doubts (blog therapy)

on

when I started this blog two years ago.. I made promise to be open and honest with myself .. and .. you.

so.. here it goes

all week i have been having doubts. doubts that i could really and truly complete a marathon. its just such a HUGE HUGE thing for me.

here are some of my fears:
  • I will get injured and not be able to compete
  • I will pay for the marathon and end up not being able to compete.
  • I will be the last person to cross the finish line.
  • I will not be able to get to the finish line and have to quit without completing it.
  • They wont have enough restrooms and i will need to go potty! (silly.. i know.. but true)
  • I wont be able to figure out how to eat to keep myself going through the race.. and pass out with a crowd looking at me like i a just nuts.
  • the long training runs i will have to go on will be so exhausting i wont want to actually get the starting line.
  • maybe i should run the half .. i know i can finish that.
  • its soooooo far.
  • the unknowns.
so there you have it.. just a few of the doubts floating around in this brain of mine.

I know now why they say running is mostly mental. because it IS

I know i will have to do what i did when i trained for the half.. just put the blinders on and not worry about the future and how many miles i will have to run. To look at the training plan as a whole is overwelming! .. so .. for now.. I will focus on next week. and not look to far ahead.

whats the worst thing that could happen? If i dont complete the marathon then i lose my 95.00 registration fee.. BUT i will still get my t-shirt (which i think is funny ) ..

... I think its worth the 95.00 risk .

I know i can do this.. its not going to be easy by any means. .but .. i can. Anyone know where i could get a good set of blinders????

so..

on to progress. not perfection. :)
---------UPDATE)_______

Ok.. so after all that.. i did a search online for reasons TO run a marathon...
click here to read 26.2 reasons why

and.. last but not least ... this:

wow.

Comments

Josha said…
Doesn't the $95 go to a good cause? Nothing's lost!
It's funny, I was going to ask you if you felt this way in the beginning of training for your half. As I was running this morning and thinking, "there is no way...," I decided to check in with you about this very topic! Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one with doubts.
YOU CAN DO IT!
7/19/2008 10:21 PM
JoAnn said…
The victory's already won simply by your willingness to make the attempt. Yes, it's 90% mental toughness. The doubts are the way we get outselves into the mental strenght to to take on the challenge. You've already shown you can do a half. Preparation is the key, and you're doing that. Even if every doubt comes true, which you know they won't, be if they do, you've still won by trying. There will be other marathons, $95 is nothing compared to the journey you're on! This is a priceless gift you'll never regret. So proud of you for sharing the doubts, allow us who love you to lift you up, to encourage you. Your spirit, even with the doubts, already knows you can, and you will! love you, J.
7/20/2008 5:59 AM
Laura said…
I will address the "being last." last summer when i did my first tri, i was very afraid of this...here comes the fat girl last to cross the line...then i realized...i AM fat and i am DOING this so what if i am last.

you CAN do it, yes there will be bumps, but those only make you tougher because you persevered. i LOVE looking back and seeing how i persevered and won.

i love your saying, progress not perfection. and progress is on your side. KICK BUTT!!!
7/20/2008 8:11 PM
JRo said…
These are the EXACT reasons I have not entered a marathon yet. Oh, and I have paid for and trained for TWO halfs and never even ran them... so, no fear there. I will be able to do it one time. I have learned something VERY valuable from each 'failure'. So in my book, they were not actual failures. You can do this, and imagine what kinds of silly things you would WASTE $95 on instead of investing it in yourself and your family, KWIM? You are worth the investment in my book.
7/23/2008 7:08 AM
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