tired, sluggish, off eats a bit BUT,..

I still got my booty in the "gym" and busted it!

I wanted to get up and go ride this morning before DH headed to work.. but I had issues with sleeping last night and didnt get to sleep until 2am! .. so.. I was pooped out this morning when I had to get up to get DH off to work. I dont know why I couldnt sleep.. it was pretty frustrating. So all day today I was tired.. and my day was off a bit because of the electricians that were here for a while/schooling/bad weather. I REALLY wanted to go run or bike outside today and wishful thinking me thought I could go after it stormed today.. but low and behold the storms were slow moving.. so I decided I would just run on the mill.. 20 steps into the workout.. it flashed lightening really really bright.. and DH decided it wasnt such a great idea to be right by a window holding on to a mostly metal aparatise while it stormed outside.. sooo plan C was to bike it in the garage.. Recumbant bike left me NO excuses.. glad I got that thing at a garage sale for 5 bucks! .. I did my 20mins with 5 hitts! (did I just type HIITS!) ... afterward.. you bet.. ABS.. busted those too! .. gona be sore tomorrow there!

I woke up sore this morning from my "new" workout yesterday.. so I guess I really did well yesterday :) ..

eats weren't that great.. I need to go to the store but put it off cause of the things listed above.. so some meals weren't ideal but I didn't over eat.. I DID have 8oz of DP.. BUT .. I wasnt tempted to go back for more AND it really didn't taste good to me.. so.. I was back to water and tea after that! (no THAT is something!)..

I have been putting to thought some reasons why I have not been making the progress I wish to be making. This past November I would think ahead to this time of the year and think.. Oh I will DEF be a size 2 by then! I will DEF see my 6 pack by then! I will DEF be running 5 miles on the weekends and I will DEF be in the best shape of my life by then.. Well.. its just not happening the way I had it planned in my head. ..
On the title of my blog I have written "I BELIEVE" .. well.. do I really? If I really believed I would make such advances in my fitness then I think I would be doing everything I could to be reaching those goals. I really think the problem for me is that I am sooooo use to living this lifestyle that I just stop pushing myself like I use too. I mean.. when I was a size 12 I would repeat in my head " I will NEVER have to work this fat off ever again!" and " I WILL be a size 6 in 12 weeks".. and I worked my little tush to the bone EVERY single workout! ..

All this to say... I think I have hit more of a mental plateau than a physical one. ..I reached my goal of being a size 6, my feet not hurting, my hair stopped falling out, my energy level increased, I feel good about myself, I am strong!, and I have created .. for the most part.. a habit of fitness in my life that wasnt there a year ago.

Angell has always told me she thinks its harder to maintain fitness and the weight than to loose it. By that.. she means.. its pretty easy to loose a few lbs .. but keeping it off for the long term is the hard part.

I guess the questions I really need to wrestle with are:
1. How bad do I want to be at a higher fitness level? and why?
2. Why should I give my 20 mins or 45 mins a day to working out if I done give it my all every time? Is it just a waist of time if I dont?
3. Do I really believe that I could reach a goal of running a 10k and being a size (whatever) as long as I am ripped?.. If I dont believe it.. why not?

so.. thats all the BFL therapy session for tonight. Tune in tomorrow .. same bat time.. same bat channel to see if this hotmom can figure all this out :)

blessings
r