Mental Tug of War

I have done this long enough to realize that I won't ALWAYS want to go for a run or lift weights or feel great about my accomplishments. The journey to being healthy and fit is one that is filled with a major tug-o-war between the positive and negative self talk. I think there is a key difference between someone who has been "on" the bandwagon a long time and has reached her goals and one who is "on and off" the bandwagon and struggles constently. I am learning the main difference is the ability to "get it done" no matter which part of your self talk is having a conversation with you today :)

Yesterday my negative self talk came back to visit.
"all this work and your jeans are still tight" ...
"you ran 14 miles! 14MILES and still can wear most of your clothes!"....
"so who cares if you have strong legs, and a firm tush... YOUR CLOTHES DONT FIT!"

then the other half of my brain kicks in
"you have come so far"
"you ran 14 MILES"
"you are an athlete, not a fitness model.. stop trying to be one"
"muscle in your legs and butt is way better than a size smaller jean.. right?"
"its about being fit and feeling good.. more than about what you wear"

but... I was still left with the disappointing thoughts in my head of thinking of what I wish I were instead of being happy with what I have accomplished.

the line between being content with where we are and the desire to be better than we think we can be is a wiggly one for me most of the time.

So.. I refocus... and pray.. and get my thoughts back to where they need to be

"I am doing this for health and wholeness"
"The next size smaller is just the icing on the cake.. not the most important thing"
"To encourage, inspire, and motivate... that's the real reason"
"It doesn't matter where you were this time last summer and how you loved all your clothes and felt great in them... what matters is remember what you have overcome to get this far"


The negatives will always find a way back in... its part of the process.. part of the journey... ... We can't ignore it when this happens.. but we all have to face it head on and feel it and let it be a part of who we are... because without the negatives.... there are no positives, no moving forward.. no becoming better than we thought we could be. Nothing to conquer.

I am here for the long haul.. I am here to change my life and help others do the same.... I am here because I want to leave that fat, miserable, weak, depressed person i use to be WAY back in my past.........That's not who I will ever be again. When she pops back up into my thoughts I will listen, I will contemplate, but I will always, always refocus and rededicate myself to be the person I know I can be.

I will let go of the wheel, let God drive while I do my part in the passengers seat getting ready for when he says "ok.. time to get out... we're HERE!"