"I thought you were going to stay on program foods for the next 10 days" a husband says to his wife as she dips some queso onto her plate.
She smiles and says .. "Yeah.. well..." thinking in her mind that this one meal wont hurt.. its just one meal and the first Saturday in almost a year that she has tried to stay on program eats.
I guess .. yet again.. an old habit is hard to break.
Getting dressed for Church this morning I found myself unhappy with the clothes I put on. Sifting through the pile of clothes (2 or three shirts/pants) I was flustered at how everything looked on me and I longed again for the day when I could just through anything on and feel and know it looked great on. No muffin top, no baby belly tying to decide which hemisphere it
belonged to. Do any of you ever feel this way? A year ago I would change 6 times before I finally would give up and wear whatever and hope no one noticed it didnt fit correctly, but today.. just two outfit changes .. so I guess thats progress :) .. Sometimes I think I should just get a girdle and call it a day. A corset.. or just some duct tape. I know that everyone else is too busy worrying if they are bulging or sagging to even notice if I am.. so what the hey. .. I guess I should wear it anyway.Seems like I am just really having issues these days with just making it through the program.. just living the lifestyle.. Forces all around me scream.. "you deserve that cheese dip!".. or "planning meals is a waste of time.. you need to watch tv instead" or "its just too much effort to be healthy.. Its not like I am trying to be some super woman.. or to live to be 120 or anything!" so I wonder .. is it just a phase? and if so.. I am ready for it to be over.
The month of Oct. and Nov. I took being in the ZONE for granted.. and I have not gotten it back
since. I tell you what ladies.. next time I know I am in the zone.. I am saying thank you and I am going to appreciate it.. Life is so much easier when you are in the zone.Sometimes I wish I could call up my old softball couches and have them meet me down at the softball field and yell at me for a few hours.. that would get me in the zone. I wish I had a big event to see old friends at OR having to do a spot on a TV show or something.. that would get me in the zone. I wish I knew I would have to be in shape someday because I could really help someone out with back breaking work.. that would put me in the zone.. .. I wish I knew when my DH high school reunion would be this summer.. that would get me in the zone (nothing like see old girlfriends to make you want to workout).. so.. the question is.. this..
Drumroooool Please..
Why should it take such outside forces to get me in the zone? Is it the way i was raised? Is it a habit from being in a seasonal sport? Is it crazy? Why cant I do this because its the healthy thing to do!!! ??? Two steps forward one step back.. it gets frustrating after a while .. ya know.
hum.. and all this from queso. funny huh.
My eats today have been ok.. I have not overeaten. I have had NO candy or soda. and I just finished an amazing salad. ... so... I am definitely NOT giving up and deep down inside i know I will reach my goals.. I just wonder how long it will take me to get to a point where I want it bad enough. ......
calll me crazy.. its ok.. i am use to it :)
I will ride my recumbent bike tonight and look forward to tomorrow mornings workout. .. it has to be done before nine because the sheetrock man is coming back and the plumber.
I dont know .. I guess I was hoping by this far into trying to be fit and healthy things would have become automatic by now. It gets tiring feeling like working out and eating right is another job. I am ready for it to become and habit. Wonder if it will ever happen. Then again.. 30 something years of bad eating/bad self talk/and improper fitness practices will probably take a while to overcome huh.
thanks for listening.. looks like BFL Blog Therapy sessions are becoming a habit for me:)
blessings
ruthie
Comments
I see this life change as similar to being Jesus' girl. When I left the throne of my heart, I let Jesus sit and rule there. I don't own me anymore. I stood on the sale block of slavery and He bought me. He paid (dearly) for me and I am His. Forever. Not when I feel like it. Not when He puts me in the vice of discipline, but forever. It's a done deal. I think that's why Solomon says in Ecclesiates 5 "Be careful when you utter a vow to God. Do not delay in fulfilling it..." God is serious about keeping His promises and He expects us to be as serious about it as He is. That's why we get the Holy Spirit ... to make a way for us to be promise keepers, too. It's not supposed to be automatic or easy, just to be done.
Changing from a way of life that is temporary satisfaction (food/comfort) to a vision/goal of obedience is pretty darn hard for us with the sin nature. That's why God says in Psalms that He "knows we are dust". He knows it will be hard. As long as we are here on earth in this earthly tent then we will struggle.
I eat for comfort. That is a direct relation to Who I am comforted by. I'm telling God when I comfort eat, "Sorry, you aren't as comforting as this ice cream sandwich." How lame, but it's true. As long as I live, I will struggle with comfort eating. I need to know that, accept it and fight against it. Like the apostle Paul said, "I beat my body into submission..." This is a race, this human life. It's a fight. Our sin nature can not win ... we are owned by the Lamb and he paid so dearly for our freedom.
I know this struggle that you so elequently described. (I'm using Nutrisystem as my tool for change.) I have been so strong in this body/mind/heart change that I'm doing now, but I've also been so discouraged that I wanted to give up. And did give up for a day.
Praise God for grace that does not let me go.
I'll stop now. :) I'll keep praying for you and all of us as we seek to "beat our bodies into submission". When you get knocked out and you open your eyes to the ref standing over you counting, just jump up. Don't lay there and "kill the grass". In this struggle, you do not have to look good to fight, you just have to fight. The enemy will not and can not win.
Big hugs! Misty